Midnight Madness, Mofos!

Well, I guess it's official. I am now a very serious loser blogger just like everybody else! I met some other giant creeps bloggers over the weekend and I don't know if it was the incessant(ly boring) blog talk, the mojitos, or all the weird penis pictures at Buca di Beppo, but I realized that I have something to share with the world. And it's not my penis. Well, it sort of is, but not here. I'm talking - of course - about a blog. It looks like I will keep up The Barnacle Chronicles as something more than just a way to make fun of my roommate, Mermanda.

I don't know what it will be about yet, but it will probably be about as much fun as you can have while sitting in front of your computer and reading. Yeah, that really sounds shitty. Okay, I guess I'll try to make it better than that. I'll try this again. Eh hem. I don't know what it will be about yet, but it will probably be about as much fun as skipping school/work/masturbating to internet porn and crying softly (or whatever you do all day) to go on a magical journey to a secret dimension where it rains beer and everybody smiles and likes you, and you get to wear whatever you want and uh, there's like a rainbow and shit, oh and pretty much every food you like just grows on trees and also for some reason people just give you money all day, which is weird because you don't even need money in this dimension because everything is free and you're the boss anyway of totally everything, and then at the end of the day you smash open a pinata shaped like a giant boob and gold comes out. Gold that blows you. Okay, I guess this is unlikely to be quite that fun. Let's not get weird.

Anyway, to celebrate my decision, I had a special Live Midnight Madness Mofo Giveaway on Saturday night. Or Sunday morning. Whatever it was, it was very exclusive. The prize was several sheets of return address labels, in homage to (and some would say brilliant mockery of) my aforementioned roommate's contest. The lucky winner was Maxie, and I actually kind of forget why she won, but she totally did, and now she totally has a bunch of my return address labels. I think she may have been the only one in the room not engaged to me, and thus the winner. Unfortunately for both of us, they already have my return address on them. However, this can be used to exploit the classic PTAYWTMSTATRAADPASOIATIITM postal scam (that's "put the address you want to mail something to as the return address and don't put any stamps on it and throw it in the mail" for those not in the know. Although you probably shouldn't do that, kids. WINK! HA! You should definitely do that.

Now, to celebrate my first giveaway thing, I have a second giveaway thing. It is actually sort of a collector's item. It is a very fine black coat. Longer-ish. AND IT WAS ONCE WORN BY A FAMOUS BLOGGER. HOLY SMOKES! The rules for the giveaway are pretty simple. Write me a short essay about why you think you should have this coat, and if you are named Deutlich and include your address in your essay, you win! Victory will taste so sweet! And keep you so warm.